Everyone's always like, "Why are the Kardashians even famous? What's their talent?" And this whole time the answer has been staring us right in the face in supermarket checkout aisles: they are highly skilled at losing weight—inhumanly so. In less than four years, the three sisters have managed to drop an impressive 431 pounds. Wow, that QuickTrim is more effective than malaria! The family is acutely aware of which side their bread is buttered: their bodies. And they've used those butter bodies to make money through diet supplement endorsements that they advertise through tabloid exclusives about how they lost x amount of weight in x amount of time. Khloe was the one who really got that butter ball rolling, having the first—and most—stories about her weight loss. Since July 2009, she's graced the covers of 11 tabloids, losing between 10 - 30 pounds each time around. July 15, 2009: "Kim helped me lose 20 lbs in four weeks" -20 September 9, 2009: "Get thin fast" -25 … [Read more...] about By the Numbers: The Kardashians Have Collectively Lost 431 Pounds
I lost 40 pounds in 2 months
Welcome to Midweek Madness, in which a small-brained baby who has not looked inside a tabloid magazine for six years takes a deep dive into Star, US Weekly, OK!, Life & Style and InTouch. This week, Bruce Jenner wears a B-cup, Kim worries that Kanye is going to hook up with Cara Delevingne, Blake Lively spits out the first of her litter (her words) and my MFA program revokes my degree. InTouch FEARS FOR TERESA: ATTACKED IN PRISON! My primary context for the face I see on this cover is the IKEA monkey and it seems very unfair that she would be put in jail for going to IKEA, which I think happened a long time ago, let alone getting "beaten senseless for being famous." It's not her fault that coat was so cute! Okay: LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian throw away their undergarments once they have become soiled. We know this because their former nanny is suing them for wrongful termination and her lawyer says "they just threw her out like dirty underwear." Why not wash the nanny? This … [Read more...] about This Week In Tabloids: Someone Put a Microchip in Amanda Bynes’s Brain
Welcome to Midweek Madness, in which you and I take our mortal clay to the Lord's pottery wheel and gently shape a glittery turd to pass back and forth between our butts forever. This week, Ariana Grande refuses to shower after the gym; Lionel Richie created Khloe Kardashian out of his very own sperm-buddies; Bethenny Frankel brags about peeing in a champagne bucket at her own wedding reception; everyone brings their dogs to the clurb. OK! Hollywood Trainers Tell All! Oh baby, the cover promises to tell us (1) Who exercises in 6-inch heels! (2) Who's hooking up at the gym! (3) Who loves naked yoga! The answer to these questions holds an answer to three much larger and more important questions, which are (1) Who is their dealer! (2) What is the buy-in-bulk policy! (3) Should I wait an hour after the first lil bit or just GO ALL IN or ???!! Immediately upon mag's opening, in the grand tradition of Having No Chill, OK! rehashes the theory that Bruce Jenner "wants to trade his medals … [Read more...] about This Week in Tabloids: Is Lionel Richie Khloe Kardashian’s Real Father?
We've all failed to keep up our exercise routines at some point. Weeks without training, consecutive days of binging, terrified to step on the scale—it happens to the best of us, and it's always hard to get started again and get back on the horse. Here's exactly how to get back into your fitness routine. This post originally appeared on Dick Talens' blog. Step 1: Realize That Falling off the Horse Is Normal I've written a lot about self-compassion, so I won't beat that horse to death. (Otherwise you won't be able to get back on it, amirite?) But it's important to show yourself some self-compassion. Look, falling off the horse is completely normal. Everyone does it, and it doesn't make you weak-willed or undisciplined. It makes you human. It's important to come from a place of self-compassion here so that you can try again. We're going to go through an exercise that's used in the field of social work in order to improve self compassion around this situation. It may seem … [Read more...] about Five Steps to Get Back into Your Fitness Routine
Silicon Valley and Silicon Alley have long been identified as meccas for leading technology companies. Recently, though, we've seen more cities emerge as popular spots for tech companies to call home. One in particular, Boston, is teeming with top talent and tech resources. This should come as no surprise. After all, Massachusetts is one smart state. The Statistical Research Center at the American Institute of Physics ranked how well states are preparing K-12 students for science and engineering careers and Massachusetts topped the chart, scoring far above the second place state, Minnesota. The brightest students and researchers in the country flock to the state's prominent higher education institutions and medical facilities, including Harvard University, the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Amherst College, Massachusetts General Hospital, and Brigham and Women's Hospital. Additionally, in an economic environment where many are jobless, Massachusetts is seeing promising … [Read more...] about Boston: Tech in the City